Corona changed the life of Brian (who we will only refer to by his first name for privacy reasons) drastically. In the space of a week, he lost his father and his uncle, without the possibility of a proper farewell. His mother, brother, sister and himself were infected nevertheless. Brian is now struggling with Long COVID and fears the consequences for his work and family.
'In March 2020, testing was not yet possible', says Brian. 'I went to the Emergency Room twice with severe shortness of breath, but was sent away with a saturation meter.' That all happened after his father died. That had already hit him terribly. 'My father fainted. We then called an ambulance and that was the last time I saw him alive. We were unable to be with him, to support or comfort him. We had to answer the question via video calling whether we wanted to continue the treatment, but that this was actually pointless. After a transfer from The Hague to Leiderdorp, things went downhill very quickly. He was 100% dependent on ventilation and the question was whether we would agree to pulling the plug. That is a terrible decision, especially at a distance. Two people were allowed to say goodbye. But how do you do that when you have a wife and three children? In the end, all four of us were able to come to say goodbye in a separate room, but by then he was actually already gone. It took a week. A funeral with 30 people followed, with a closed coffin for a 67-year-old man who was in the prime of his life, had many friends, had always worked hard. He was simply torn from life.'
A monster
Then began the suffering of Brian, who has a wife and three children aged 2, 6 and 9. 'In addition to the complaints that I suffered from the infection, I became depressed. This eventually became so serious that I attempted suicide. In retrospect, I find that incomprehensible, but it is a kind of monster that takes over you completely. I was in shock, developed anxiety and panic disorders. I was afraid that my children were being kidnapped.
In the end, I only wanted one thing: rest. So I took all my medication. Of course, I got help and guidance afterwards. I was even admitted to a depression clinic. That had a huge impact. And I still find it very difficult that I have lost control of myself and that my recovery is taking so long.'
Empty hands
Before corona, Brian worked as a courier. A part-time job that he combined with caring for his three children. His wife works full-time. 'But I can't work anymore. I still suffer from fatigue, keep coughing and have cognitive problems. I've been working there for 19 years now. Before corona, I never dropped out. Now I've been at home for almost a year and a half. I received support from C-support with issues related to my work. I'm really happy with that. I'm being guided by a very knowledgeable and empathetic advisor. I dread the moment that I'll be sick for two years and will be confronted with the UWV. I got tested for corona, but I tested negative so long after the infection. So you're also left empty-handed. You wouldn't wish that on your worst enemy.'
The photos in this article are not by Brian, they are for illustrative purposes only.
