Hanneke Moret-Versteeg got corona for the first time in 2021. She became very ill, with a high fever, until she became so short of breath that she was picked up by ambulance and had to be put on oxygen. She was in the hospital for a few days and eventually started working on her recovery. “That went with a lot of fits and starts. In the beginning, one minute on the exercise bike was already too much.” Later it turned out to be the first sign of PEM, the worsening of complaints after physical or mental exertion. The second sign came soon…
Like a mop in bed
When she went to the hospital for a check-up, she had to do an exercise test to see how her condition was. “They should never have asked me that in hindsight. Afterwards I could barely walk or stand, I was really in a mess. I almost passed out in the waiting room. They literally and figuratively caught me there and pepped me up a bit with dextrose and broth. After two hours of recovery I drove home, which also took a lot of energy. The result was a huge setback; I lay in bed like a rag for a week. They really didn't realize what they were doing with that test. And neither did I at the time.”
The signals
In this phase, Hanneke was still fully engaged in her reintegration process. She tried to pick up her work as a teacher again in small steps. “From having a cup of tea with management or colleagues, to sitting in the classroom for half an hour and gradually building it up. Even then, I often overstepped my boundaries, precisely because I wanted to get back to work so badly. If I have done too much, I immediately notice it in my energy, concentration and memory and I am more easily irritated. Moreover, I sleep badly then. Of course, that does not contribute to my recovery either.”
Help and support
In the meantime, Hanneke has also managed to find C-support. According to her, she not only found a listening ear, recognition and understanding there – which did her good – but also useful information. “They pointed out to me that I was entitled to recovery care, thought along with me in the rehabilitation process and gave practical tips. C-support also told me what PEM entails and explained the principle of pacing. So now I know why calm, careful and gradual are such important keywords for me and that I should especially not constantly push my boundaries. Because that is counterproductive.”
Persistent relapse
After the first infection, she decides to get vaccinated, but this too leads to a relapse. In 2022, she nevertheless becomes infected with Covid-19 for a second time. “This time I didn’t end up in hospital, but this time too I got a high fever and another huge setback. Since then, I haven’t been back to the level I was at before the second infection. And unfortunately, it doesn’t look like that’s going to happen.” Hanneke is now also trying to reintegrate, but the reality is that she usually doesn’t even have the energy to walk the dog, do the dishes or go shopping. “Luckily, we have two great girls who take care of all that, but of course you don’t want that.”
Focus on what is still possible
Hanneke was recently declared unfit for work and officially discharged. That still hurts. “I loved working with toddlers and I still miss it every day. In the beginning, I used everything to recover, from speech therapy and physiotherapy to psychotherapy and acupuncture. Although I had a very good physiotherapist, who really worked with understanding and policy, I have now stopped doing that too. We both saw that it was stagnating. I am now trying to focus on what I can still do. I really loved cycling and walking, but I recently decided to buy a mobility scooter, so that I can go into the woods again and we can do something with the whole family again.” Even that takes so much energy that Hanneke sometimes has to decide not to go, because she still has to cook afterwards.
Deliberation and weighing
In short, it is a daily balancing act between what is and is not possible. Hanneke is getting to know and guard her boundaries better and better, although that also involves trial and error. “Sometimes I deliberately overstep my boundaries, such as when I said goodbye to my deceased mother-in-law. Because I absolutely wanted to be there, I calculate that I will have to recover from that for days or even weeks. Then we arranged a wheelchair, so that I would have to walk less. People came to me in shock, because they only then realize what post-COVID can do to you. After all, you can't see it from us.”
Like a boomerang
“Even when I think something is going well, it often comes back to me like a boomerang. For example, last week I spent an hour and a half behind the computer preparing our tax return. I had to pay for that again; I was completely broken for a week, my entire system is really disrupted and severely overstimulated. Then you notice that your body is really broken and that is very confronting every time.”
